Things You Don't Want to Hear Behind You in Church

• “Dude, I’m gonna hafta call you back. We’re about to pray or something.”
• “Boo-oooo!”
• “The pastor looks really cute today.”
• “Mommy, my tummy doesn’t feel good. I think I’m gonna throw uh—erpleeeeeck!” (Accompanied by a splashing sound against my seat.)
• “Hey there, ladies… nice bibles. You come here often?”
• “Zzzzzzzzzz…”
• “Sweet! I just scored the last Krispy Kreme at the snack table.”
• “He’s good, but he’s no Joyce Meyer.”
• “Dang it, I grabbed my Bhagavad-Gita by mistake. The Message Bible is still in the Prius next to my yoga mat.”
• “You think they’ll mind if I use the offering basket to break a five?”
• “I can’t see the pulpit. The guy in front of me has a melon that could show up on Google Earth.

Courtesy of the SacredSandwich. Read the rest of the post by clicking here.