Out of the Mouths of Babes #28

Giving a blessing to a preschooler at the altar during Holy Communion today...she looks up at me, smiles, and declares, ”I love you!” Dad, grandparents, aunt, and sisters at the rail couldn't keep a straight face. Me, neither. And I replied, ”I love you, too!”

Out of the Mouths of Babes #27

Quotable moment at church today. During Sunday School, my daughter overheard my adult Bible class laughing at something. She said to her teacher, "They must be drinking beer." Considering the day in the church year, the teacher should have responded with Acts 2:15.

Out of the Mouths of Babes #26

At preschool chapel today, I was explaining to the children that "Pastor" is my "job" and "Onken" is my last name.  I then asked them, "Do any of you know my first name?"  One little girl yelled out, "GOD!"

As much as the serpent tempted me not to correct her, I did end up telling her the truth.

Out of the Mouths of Babes #25

Daughter (6) was sitting in the windowsill with the window open, watching me mow the lawn. She began to sneeze and sniffle, showing evidence of grass allergy (of which we were already aware).

Wife says, "Well, honey, if you are allergic to grass, you probably won't be able to mow the lawn when you get older and have a house of your own."

Daughter replies, "That's okay. I'll just buy a husband."

Out of the Mouths of Babes #24

During preschool chapel at church this morning, one student said to me, "Pastor, did you know everyone likes you?"

That was very sweet.  But I'm sure I've made a few enemies along the way.

Out of the Mouths of Babes #23

At dinner tonight, son (4) asks, "Daddy, can Jesus eat Cheetos?"

Out of the Mouths of Babes #22

Daughter (5): "Daddy, I love Jesus so much, I think I could marry him!"

Me (45): "I'm very glad you love Jesus, honey, but we don't marry him ... sort of like you love your mommy and daddy, but you don't marry us."

Daughter: "Well, Jesus could be standing right there right now."

Me: "That's true.  Jesus is everywhere."

Daughter: "You mean Jesus could also be sitting over there on the couch watching America's Funniest Videos?"

Out of the Mouths of Babes #21

5 year old daughter tonight demonstrated her refined theology of worship with this comment: "Church is not supposed to be hippy and cool. Some people just ruin it up like a silly old playground."

Out of the Mouths of Babes #20

4yo son's bedtime prayer tonight: "Dear Jesus, thank you for dying on the cross, and thank you for tomatoes. Amen."

Out of the Mouths of Babes #19

Once in a while it becomes necessary to make pastoral calls on my day off. Today was one of those days. Following the last visit, I picked up my five year-old daughter from school. She asked me, "Did you have a good day off today?"

"Well, actually, honey, I had to visit some people from our church today," I explained.

And she replied, "It's better to tell people about God than to have a day off, Daddy."

Out of the Mouths of Babes #18

My daughter (5) told me what she learned at school today about the Reformation: "Martin Luther writed (sic) all those notes on a big piece of paper, and that guy didn't like it."

Out of the mouths of babes #16

Daughter Lily (4), today, to son Aidan (3): "Aidan, mommy and daddy are in charge. But when I turn 18, then I'm in charge."

Is there an app for that?

Everyone...well, most everyone...has the common sense to know that it is foolish and dangerous to use your cell phone while driving. It's illegal in many states to do so nowadays, but folks still do it. It's also amazing how many people try to send text messages while they are behind the wheel.

One thing I've noticed lately is how many parents with young children are using their mobile devices to text or to play games while neglecting to monitor what their children are doing. My daughter and I made a trip to McDonald's today for lunch, and I saw a dad poking away at his iPhone while his kids ran around like banshees, nibbling on their food and playing on the indoor playground equipment ... a choking incident waiting to happen. At the mall play area, children bolt and climb and dodge, while numerous moms sit down on the outer rim, thumbs flying across their cell phone keypads, yet oblivious to what their children are doing ... or what strangers may be talking to their children.

And a year or so ago, I was with my daughter at a park playground, hovering near her like a mother hen because there are some high, unprotected platforms on parts of the equipment from which children could fall and do some serious damage. I was fortunate enough to be in the right place at the right time when out of the corner of my eye I spotted a little boy begin to free-fall head first from one of those unprotected platforms. I didn't catch him, but I managed to dive over in time to deflect him just enough in order to avoid a sure broken neck. Screaming ensued. And mom came running ... sure enough, with cell phone in hand, finishing the last words on her text as she knelt down to see if Snookums was okay. I was appalled. Put your phone down, lady. Finish your text later. Snookums almost snapped his spinal cord. I didn't say it. I sure wanted to.

If it were possible, I'd like to see an application on the iPhone and other mobile devices which would automatically "taze" parents who are paying more attention to their texting or their games than their children. Oh, I'm not looking for an app that would cause them to go into involuntary convulsions. Just give it enough current to shake them out of their e-stupor so that they notice that their children are about to fall to certain doom off of the playground equipment.

Parents: PUT YOUR MOBILE DEVICES AWAY AND PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR CHILDREN.

Rant over.

Out of the Mouths of Babes #15

I don't know where or why or how my daughter thinks up this stuff, but no one can deny that she has an active imagination. Here's what I heard as we were driving to preschool this morning:

"Daddy, if Jesus ever comes off the cross, he'll drive to our house, and then he'll knock on our door, and I will answer and say, 'Hey, Jesus, what are you doing here? Would you like to come in and have some hot cocoa?'"

I guess that according to a preschooler, hot cocoa is better than wine mixed with gall.

Oh, and by the way, my daughter knows that Jesus is NOT on the cross any longer.

Out of the Mouths of Babes #14

We're driving by the cemetery in town today, and our four year-old daughter says, "That's the seminary. That's where people go to die."

Out of the Mouths of Babes #13

From my 4 year old daughter the other day, right after I told her I had to return to church for an evening class...

"Daddy, someday when you're sick, I can teach your class at church, 'cuz I'm a good Jesus person."

Out of the Mouths of Babes #12

Quote from my 4 year old daughter, spoken while upside down on a recliner:

"Daddy, I'm going to be like a teenager even when I'm a parent, 'cause I like to do crazy things."

Out of the Mouths of Babes #11

The First Commandment according to my four year-old daughter...

"You shall not have no other gods and let us be calm."